he tells me about his female friendshe tells me about his female friends

If it's okay for a man to connect with women, why shouldn't he create friendships with them out of those connections? MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell trashed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on the Thursday broadcast of his MSNBC show as "not very well educated," attacked him for his drug addiction, and said he is someone who . How can I talk to my boyfriend about how often he looks at girls online around me? And that does, actually, happen. Having a boyfriend who has close female friends can get really tricky. The question may have crossed your mind: Is he trying to make me jealous by talking about another girl?. First off with how you are talking to us about it you are framing it as a confrontation. So you can stop worrying about sex; it will happen, or not, and there certainly is nothing you can do about it if it does. This guy may have been paying close attention to that advice. It may sound a bit shallow but its just human nature and something that is often put to use in marketing. What's the difference to you? Thanks for the answer! Are you saying it's impossible for partners to establish boundaries about how they interact with other people? That sucks a big one because changing oneself is a much much harder thing to do than agreeing on phone calls and meeting times. Hack Spirit. Because of that, I hope you will remember that we girls also get awful messages that poured into our heads from the cradle - in particular about Other Women as predatory competition, man-stealers, and that only way for men and women to meaningfully interact is romantically and sexually we are flooded with by movies and tv and the internet inescapably. The socialization is still there - the pressure of manhood behavior expectations exist even in close relationships, even if a given friend unit give that expectation the bird and share their souls to each other on the regular. Such statements are beneficial for a couple of reasons. My Husband Is Prioritizing His "Innocent" Friendship With Another Woman Over Me. And if your boyfriend lets her get away with this, you have a sh*tty boyfriend. During the last two years Ive tried to take a similar approach with the solution youre suggesting about finding a way to be more secure and the boundaries as just an extra. you just think he'll accidentally get feelings for someone else. Even if she is trying to pursue him, he might not realize. the two holding hands to support each other emotionally. With a masters degree in Journalism, Im a former BBC news reporter and newsreader. I think you were well on your way to the same conclusion. They are cautious about developing emotionally-driven relationships with their romantic interests. Once you start accepting that you are perfect just the way you are then you stop looking to external validations as a substitute (such as success in a relationship) and stop feeling threatened by things which threaten these flimsy substitutes (such as your partner being close to other women) and stop trying to control things you have no place controlling (such as placing boundaries on another conscious being's rights). The only way it isn't is if someone just simply gives everyone - regardless of gender - hugs and it doesn't go beyond that. If your boyfriend suddenly won't show you affection when the three of you are together, there probably is a problem. For a large number of men, friendships will not provide a safe or comfortable place for vulnerability and openness because of messages they received from family, friends, peers, older adults around them, the media, and society at large. Plenty of men are able to be vulnerable and connect with their friends, to lean on them for support and create deep bonds that go beyond social activities. When you've had these conversations previously were you using, Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been, @RK a lot of people seem interested in the articles, and links you provided in the comments I now moved to chat. Answer (1 of 17): He is low class and thinks that he can get away with things, and that he should have "the freedom" to do them when actually it is not freedom it his act off exercising manipulation and control over those who are in love with him. It seems to me that what you really want is to not feel insecure about your partner crossing emotional lines with their friends and hurting you. I haven't been okay with it because although he denies it, I think he enjoys the attention. This sure indicates that his female friend is always on his mind. That said, it is extremely important that he understands your feelings on this matter. so we can have a productive conversation about boundaries without him immediately getting defensive? Country star Jason Aldean has come under immense criticism in recent days for a new song one critic says is an anthem "about how he and his friends will shoot you if you try to take their guns . Never had anyone not like it or said anything but I have a feeling that if OTHER guys had done the same thing, they (the girls) wouldn't be happy about it. body language signs to tell if hes interested in you or not, Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you, Stay single until you find a man who does these 11 things, 10 reasons to celebrate being single in your 30s, 10 things women can do to attract men, rather than chase them, Flirting with other girls in front of you, Complimenting other women in front of you, Bragging about the attention hes getting from other girls, Showing you or talking about texts hes gotten from other girls, He finds little excuses to reach out and touch you, Hes trying to show you what hes like in a relationship, Hes purposely trying to make you jealous, Hes feeling emotional about something that happened, He likes you but he doesnt have romantic feelings for you. Join in on some of their activities together. when we like someone our body language towards them reveals a lot. My boyfriend and I have been together happily for two years now. It hasn't always been that way but that is how it is now. He sends me a private e-mail talking about stress at work. Just that that conversation about it can't happen successfully? She had lived through WW2 and thunder reminded her of bombs. There's other couples that try to prevent certain behavior, check phones, ask questions, ask the people that went questions and basically turn into private detectives investigating their own partner. An emotional affair is at least as destructive as physical infidelity (in fact, some say an affair of the heart is worse ). being the one forced to give up a friend), and it is something I haven't forgiven to this day and never will. Steer clear (way clear). Of course, the only sustainable solution to all this is for you to become such a woman yourself. And he will have met such women. I know men always say "oh I just connect more with girls", on the surface that's why, but there's a deeper reason than that. It will probably make him more resistant to tell you about his friends; instead of being open, he will keep having his friends, but it will be more secretly. How can kaiju exist in nature and not significantly alter civilization? the two sitting close on the sofa (without further body contact), the the two stroking each others back and holding each other, falling asleep together (without being naked), giving each other a single kiss on the cheek, He doesn't already know how you feel (he does), Knowing how you feel will make a conversation about boundaries to go better (yes, but see point 1), A conversation and/or agreement on boundaries will resolve the situation (it could work, but it doesn't address the real issue). Recently, one of his female friend who he has known for 25 years has reappeared a year or so ago as a friend. You already have a solution in mind dump that. Its more of just the feeling behind those arguments. If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach. Or to put it another way, if someone else wants this guy theres a chance youll assume that he must have something of value to offer which will make you want him even more. As long as it does not impact you personally, i.e., as long as he spends as much time with you as you need, it should not matter how he spends the rest of him time, surely? The bad: He connects with other women more fluidly than he does with you, and that's because you have fundamentally different views on life. It's about love and willingness to please. Well for a start, her name wont just crop up once or twice, youll probably feel like you are hearing it on repeat. Now, you may argue that I'm exaggerating a bit, and you'd be correct. April 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester Are you looking for signs he told his friends he likes you? If he hasnt given off any subtle signs he is interested in you, and nothing has happened between you too yet it certainly doesnt look good that he would say this kind of thing in your presence. I sympathize with your situation, but there seems to be some discord in your question. So, he may be comfortable in talking to you about his relationships both past and present with other women. chances are you may have to face the fact that he is a man who is more comfortable with female friends because of the reality in which we live. It took maybe 5 years or more, which were really unpleasant for her (but which I could not fix, really). You should include the arguments in your question so we don't have to follow the link to read them. I found a lot of my best memories with these female friends are memories I would be too afraid to share with my gf at the time). It's no different, either. What does he say if you ask him why he has so many female friends? I am not a total psycho. (Not sure if thats much consolation). But these kinds of conversations rarely have productive results. My boyfriend has always had close female friends. To get to the bottom of things is going to take a little bit of digging. If his friends ask what you think of him, they talk about him in a positive way and they mention things such as that he is single, etc then it would make it more likely that he is attracted to you. Before I answer the question directly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through and how you might be feeling. Focus not so much on "avoid situations in which things which you can not accept could happen" but focus on what you consider to be such things. Here are just a few body language signs to tell if hes interested in you or not: If hes a little shyer or reserved, not all his body language will come across as confident. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. Friendships between women often foster emotionality tend to train women to foster that open communication and support style in their relationships more frequently. If he does like you, this type of straightforward man is unlikely to keep you guessing. There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast. And it's not because he has these needs you don't fulfil that they will necessarily develop into interactions which are unacceptable to you. You cannot make people responsible for their feelings (and thus you cannot base trust on them), but you can make them responsible for how they act on them. Which is exactly what you said you want to avoid. His conversations are always about his female friend One of the earliest and easiest signs to detect is your conversations. 2 What He Sees. This sympathy and compassion for you may then naturally inspire him to change his ways, without you having to "confront" him at all. Basically, if she's trying to will you out of existence so she can keep pretending she has your boyfriend all to herself, you have a problem. But to me, no one is allowed to touch my stomach unless they are my boyfriend, doctor, personal trainer (who is doing it for a specific reason). Since he has close feelings for you, this may come naturally for him. If his female friend disrespects you comfortably in front of your boyfriend and he shows any form of reluctance to correct her, girl, your boyfriend likes his female friend. How can I successfully let him know how I feel. If you're asking your boyfriend to change your interaction with his female friends, you should also change your interactions with your male friends if you haven't already. If this is his tactic, hell probably want to suggest that other women find him appealing. 51 Comments Here's the definition of an emotional affair, tips for saving your relationship, and signs of cheating from Dr Phil McGraw. That might sound harsh, but you need to remember there are plenty progressive and open minded women out there who don't see emotional connections their men have with other women as a threat, who accept that humans are what they are, rather than forcing the world to fit moral notions of what they should be, and who deal in trust and honesty, not boundaries. After a lot of probing, the therapist and we figured out that it was ego-feeding. If he was a real player, hes more likely to try and do his creeping behind your back and not to your face. If youre looking for signs he still has feelings for another woman look for how often he talks about her and whether those memories are happy or painful. If he has a lot of female friends, and you believe him when he tells you they are truly friends (And why wouldn't you believe him when he tells you they are friends? He has issues, he feels doing bad untrustworthy t. My boyfriend and I (I am 21 and he is 23) have been together for over a year now and generally I would describe our relationship as great. fear of the female boss: "Both [movies] seemed to reflect a trend described by Tad Friend in the Feb 1994 of . Men don't normally have the intuition to clock on to things like this, and he might . 2 Moms United By One Heart's audition will make a difference. Personally I have many female friends and sometimes prefer to hang out with them for many of the reasons already posted above. Their socialization is different. Dahlin, 25, says it is fine for men and women to "just be friends." However, Bouw, 29, says that women pull the naive card" and don't realize it when a male friend is interested in them. Answer (1 of 22): Here we go. A lot of people borrow from their friends and family, even taking out loans to make ends meet. He Prioritizes Spending Time With You Although close friends may spend time together often, it may signify an attraction if your friend seems to prioritize your friendship and time together over his spouse, job, or other responsibilities. "But these kinds of conversations rarely have productive results." As I see it, there are two possibilities. Even if he has totally moved on, he may still talk about her if the relationship was significant to him. I enjoy nothing more than deep chats about life, love and the Universe. Looks can be deceiving so trust your intuition instead. So, when you talk to him about it, avoid saying things like "you are doing this and that, which is this and that". I was happy enjoying the attention of multiple girls, but obviously she wasn't. This is a big change that warrants taking the time to understand his side of the story. Having been in the boyfriend's shoes, I recommend that you take the time to understand what your boyfriend gains from his female friends BEFORE you start telling him how you feel about the situation. Rather than being about her or even their relationship, the moral of the story will be Im such a catch. This gives the recipient time to respond without needing to defend themself or their actions. Do you really wish to "own" him? 1. It only takes a minute to sign up. Can somebody be charged for having another person physically assault someone for them? "Fleischessende" in German news - Meat-eating people? It was very hard for her. What it does is changes what kind of solution your problem needs. We both love each other very much and we're always growing closer. He tells me they used to date and then just be friends. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. There is a method behind what on the surface may seem like madness and its even scientifically backed. It seems no matter where he goes or what he does he's always befriending more girls. It all ultimately depends on a combination of how hes talking about other girls, alongside his behaviour towards you. Some times when I hang out with the guys, it suddenly feels really competitive and like everyone is trying to assert their dominance. First off they require you to think about the situation critically while you're composing the statement, which helps you have a better understanding of your actual goals as you move forward with the conversation. I've tried to bring this up with him, but he always acts defensive and the conversation ends up going nowhere. 8. That is an important point to lead with - if you talk about the problem being in you, not in him, you can prevent the defensive reaction because you don't give it any ground. A music festival in Malaysia has been canceled after the lead singer of British band The 1975 Matty Healy slammed the country's anti-LGBTQ laws and kissed a bandmate on stage. Last Updated July 4, 2023, 5:42 pm, by If you already have an established friendship and theyre always mentioning other girls, it certainly could be a sign that youre stuck in the friendzone. A man spends time with other women (swap genders as need be) because they provide him with something, no matter how trivial or innocent, which his/her main partner does not provide. If he brings up another girl who you know hes had something with before you came along, its possible that he likes you, but still may not be fully over his ex. My main issue is with these sentences. Half the world are girls after all, so it makes sense that theyre going to come up in conversation once in a while. I understand for every level that my SO could feel uneasy, and I am willing to respect that, but if SO says "drinking tea is leading to potentially compromising situation" she would be questioning my own ability to control myself and stop at what is really a problem. However, the problem I am having at the moment is, I believe, more to do with me than him.He has alot of female friends, more so than male friends . Were essentially reading all the verbal and nonverbal cues that they put out which gives us a feeling that they are digging us too. It seems to me like the conversation is more about trying to get him to establish some boundaries with his friends. Lets say for example, when a guy says another girl is hot in front of you even though you too are dating. This is always a tough question to answer because it depends on who you ask, the nature of the friendship, and some other factors. For example: "Tigers (plural) are a wild animal (singular)". But if he is going out of his way to be in your life, thats one of the simplest and most genuine indicators he likes you. It is very very hard but it's much easier with girls. If he has only mentioned her in passing once or twice, that doesnt mean a whole lot. The Florida Board of Education approved a new set of standards for how Black history should be taught in the state's public schools, sparking criticism from education and civil rights advocates . Maybe hes not interested after all? This being said I personally don't think that establishing boundaries is your actual goal. Is he always bringing her up while talking to you? If the goal was simply to let him know how you feel, you've already done that. I don't have the whole picture but if it applies, I hope it may help give you a new lens with which to examine your feelings, options and possibly your situation as a whole. SO!I said all of that to say this: there is a very distinct possibility that your boyfriend has a high number of female friends because he's an emotionally in touch human being who wants and values friends he can connect with emotionally but because of the way the current masculine paradigm socializes its boys from the day they're born, has a harder time making meaningful friendships with men than with women. part of this issue, which your description seems to indicate he does seems to be attracting them and that it is genuinely platonic. But this is what I would try first. For example, I asked him today what the relationship he had with this one girl flirting under his photo. I assume it is pretty clear that there are implicit boundaries (e.g. How can I talk to my boyfriend about him keeping things of his exes? If he has female friends, its perfectly normal to mention them. If he wants to be around you, hes going to try and make that happen. My passion in life is communication in all its many forms. A boyfriend who loves you will not tolerate his buddies insulting you. Well, he could be trying to illustrate what it is like being in a relationship with him. He is loving, caring and we both have a lot of fun together. Has he ever lied to you before? Even if other girls were potentially on the scene, he wouldnt want to scare you off by looking totally unavailable. Does he happily get into deep chats about his thoughts on love, life and the world? These are indications that you are speaking with a transparent kind of guy. I am friends with couples where a partner will go out without their SO and the other doesn't lose sleep over it, because they are busy doing what they enjoy at the same time. It's been good although he has a number of women friends. Therefore, in order to hide the feelings, he may show off by telling you to stop talking; however, he would remain there for the pointless talks for as long as nobody else will. It's totally confusing and it's left you seriously wondering, why would a guy tell me about another girl? Tina Fey He has many close female friends, meaning he's likely poly-amorous to a degree, pretty open minded with regards to relationships, and see the events as opportunities rather than threats. Last Updated June 21, 2023, 3:46 pm, by I know that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose, but I can't help but be afraid that he'll unknowingly cross some emotional line and become too close to them. Jerry had Elaine, Matt has Kim, Duchovny had Gillian Anderson. Are you really trying to say that it's impossible for those conversations to include a discussion of boundaries? 1. Explain to him that you know he does not mean anything wrong by it, but that is simply makes you feel sad. But two words in his e-mail jump out at me . Source: I have plenty of contact with females, and my wife originally had a really hard time with it. But around 8 years ago I swapped the studio for a life on the open road. Some people are just super honest and pretty much an open book, jealousy really can work as a way of getting someone to notice you more, If he was a real player, hes more likely to try and do his creeping behind your back, he really doesnt care about your feelings at all, its possible that he likes you, but still may not be fully over his ex, signs he still has feelings for another woman, 16 signs youre a better catch than you realize (and love cant be far away), If you have these 9 traits, you wont stay single for much longer, A woman with self-respect wont tolerate these 10 behaviors from a man, he doesnt have romantic feelings towards you, Does he feel the same or is this an unrequited crush, subconscious signs that youre interested in someone. And lets face it, jealousy really can work as a way of getting someone to notice you more. One of the biggest signs he denies his feelings for you is inconsistency. I think, though, that the solution will not be to restrict or alter his interactions with other girls, but rather for him to be aware of the situations you're uncomfortable with and how he can in those moments affirm his love for you. If you cannot trust him to respect this particular boundary on his own, then certainly there is no way you can talk to him to make him do so. You're asking your boyfriend to change a fundamental behavior and change his interactions with people that possibly pre-date your relationship. If he is honest and faithful, then in my experience people do not fall naked on top of each other. And to make the right and necessary changes they need to acknowledge that the problem is bigger than just his being too friendly with his female coworker. Your boyfriend may lie about his finances because he doesn't want you to know that he has money problems. I think it would help a lot if you just talk to him about how this friendships started and what these mean to him. If you are feeling this way, you need to discover the truth about what's going on. 1. Does glide ratio improve with increase in scale? I believe, from your description, that you already did - you told him, he got defensive; but he does know how you feel. Hopefully this works. How to encourage conversations beyond small talk with close friends, Generalise a logarithmic integral related to Zeta function, Is this mold/mildew? Particularly if something has happened with another girl that left him feeling angry, sad, or a bit bitter him talking about it could be just a way to process his emotions. If you are in the grey area about it you are going to be miserable long term because every time a particular situation comes up it will trigger some insecurities and these will build up. Another guy on the thread does too. 3. If youre into him, then you are most likely on high alert and reading into absolutely everything. But sadly some men really may be thoughtless enough to not consider that you probably dont want to hear it. All in good fun. And what does that achieve? Now that being said, there are emotional bonds (especially with ex's) involved, so when our therapist suggest that I write down reasons why I value those friends into a list of pros and cons, I find that most of my reason involve the physical attractiveness level of the girls; in another word, the same experiences I enjoyed with my friends would be LESS FUN if they were not attractive. Now, we have enough decades under our belt that this is all over now, thankfully. Sure. Hes super cute and you feel like youre vibing, but then he goes and talks about another girl. You can't argue with him and win logically because he had justified the existence of the girls in his mind already. I don't know your friend, but I can guarantee from your short description of your interactions with him that if you make it confrontational, it will alienate him; either openly, or internally - the latter probably being even worse for you. What does it mean when a guy tells you another girl is hot? How to discuss future with disengaged and possibly depressed partner? Misty. Your husband might just be responding to a woman that is constantly texting him. You should not. It was founded by Lachlan Brown in 2016. So if hes not making an effort for you, theres a reason for it. But to do that convincinly, you need to work on yourself and actually feel that it is true. Justin Brown Why is there no 'pas' after the 'ne' in this negative sentence? You know when youre writing a CV, experts tell you how important it is to demonstrate a skill rather than just say youre good at something. He's trying to appear more attractive to you Let's be honest - guys love to show off. What information can you get with only a private IP address? Use that as your approach. You could also reason that it'd be appropriate to ask him to refrain from small talk with pretty women because who knows what could come from it. Personally, in general, I prefer female friends some times, because all of the constant one upping and ball busting behavior with guys my age gets on my nerves. I will try to give the perspective of somebody who has mainly female friends and my girlfriends/wife had such conversations with me over the years. If so, the problem does NOT come from him or his friends or even from your jealousy itself but the structure of society as it currently functioning. Trust your gut. I had been told that I have a very flirty engagement approach to new female colleagues. You are unhappy with that behavior, is that behavior important enough that he is willing to continue with it knowing you are unhappy? Louise Jackson The fact he is being explicit about it either means its for your benefit or that he really doesnt care about your feelings at all. So what I perceive as hurting someone is not the same as from that person's point of view, THIS IS THE KEY POINT to communicate to your bf as well. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be hurt or concerned but what I'm saying is that you can't negotiate the boundaries that other people have between each other. The easiest way to not make your partner defensive when starting a conversation like this one is to use I statements. Basically, youre looking for changes in how he acts when he speaks about another girl. Adrian Volenik Of course, which one it is comes down to whether something is going on between you two, and whether he has been flirting with you or giving off signs hes into you. I just don't do the usual boy behaviour - I don't like to drink, to brag, talk shit, all that stuff. We have been living together for 3 months now. Term meaning multiple different layers across many eras? You're his confidante.