An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 21. Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. Dog-cassos, if you will. That is why we had to share our favorite absurddirty lines that you donotwant to use anytime soon. Doing the business in elevators is great on so many levels. When a little person says you hair smells nice. ", "I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named "Fireworks and vacuums" so my dog wont find them. If yes, no need to worry because I've created the best corn jokes. I can't - Mum says I'm not allowed on the furniture! Get in touch with us directly any time, any way. A trom-bone. What do you call a hot dog race? What did the dog say when he picked up the phone? "Try to remain paw-sitive. 2. 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When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get? Q: How does a dog stop a VCR? I refused. ", As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! 15. What's a dog's favorite fashion magazine? Dirty One Liners. Some of them will leave you howling with laughter; others might even get added to your own personal collection of the best jokes that you've ever seen. What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? What do you call a nurse who has scraped knees?The head nurse. Our dog brings us the newspaper every day Funny thing is, weve never subscribed to any. Don't know why, it's almost never for her. What did Darth Vaders dog say to Lukes dog? To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Why did the family take their dog to the watchmaker? 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This post may contain affiliate links. A: A watchdog. By Kelsey Hurwitz Updated: Aug 3, 2021 Mario Forcherio / EyeEm If there's one thing we can all. IE 11 is not supported. Hey Pandas With ADHD, What's Your Best Life Hack? "That's him," comes the reply. Dirty jokes and awful pick up lines go hand in hand. Why are Dalmatians not considered good at playing hide and seek? Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll?Because Ken comes in a different box. Laugh more here: Funny Knock Knock Dog Jokes. Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean. Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. But, be warned, this is not for reading out loud in front of your boss or grandma! His bark is worse than his bite. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. He barked g-r-r-r-illa! Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, "You know, there are only nine words here. Wanna give me an Australian kiss?Its like a French kiss but you go down under. What does a receptionist at a sp*rm bank say as youre leaving?Thanks for coming and please come again!, With a big smile on her face, Emma ran home and told her mom about how she made $15 by simply climbing up a tree. These dog jokes are the best laugh-out-loud jokes in the whole world. Girls on their periods always ovary act. But I rounded them up., I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lanes dog and she was like, Ive never seen this dog before. (Closed), Hey Pandas, What's Something That Got You Excited, But Disappointed You When You Learned More About It? It's a great topic to have some funny puns and jokes to branch . What is your favorite dirty joke for adults? A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: "Woof. Whats more romantic than roses on a piano?Tulips on an organ. (Closed), New Landlord Demands Tenants Restore The Garden To Its Original State, Loses It When He Sees It's Now Just A Patch Of Dirt, 6 Y.O. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me. Our commitments to pets, pet lovers and the planet, Brand (field_product_brand) (entityreference filter). Bark-ology. A: Stop touching my buns! What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? What did the leper say to the pr0stitute after they finished?Keep the tip.. The business of dad jokes has been going on for generations, but don't deny it - we all secretly love them. I gave him a couple of pointers. there were three men holding hot dogs.they were all a different size..:D. What do you call a wh**e with a runny nose? What do tofu and a vibrator have in common? Sex! 23. "He doesn't look dangerous to me. Finally, after all that is well and done, share this article with anyone in need of comedic relief! We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. You've come to the right place. Some of these are so obscene that wed honestly be impressed if you actually decide to use them. What do you call a fisherman with a lot of experience?A master baiter. How did the dog apologize? What do you give a sausage dog with a fever? Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them? Which dog breed loves living in New York? I love you with all my a$$. As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! I keep thinking I'm a dog! Every night he would step through the portal and leave his chatty wife, screaming kids and dirty dog behind. Penguin joke:A penguins car breaks down, so he takes it to the shop. Did you hear about the dog who went to see the flea circus? 4. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. 28. We find them to be some of the funniest animal jokes floating around the internet, and we genuinely believe . Are you wondering what dogs have for breakfast? She was the beast of the show! What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?Whatever you want, but do it silently. We will give you the best: We will even include some SFW dirty jokes you can safely tell your kids! Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach? Wow, that shirt is very becoming on you.But then again, I would be too. One liner tags: attitude, food, Thanksgiving 64.00 % / 82 votes. The bartender says, "You don't see a dog in here drinking a martini very often." The dog says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised." Why do male squirrels swim on their back? It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck. Dog puns, of course! What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? 2. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). The neighbor didnt reply. What is the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? Why did the poor dog chase his tail? Report. What's a dog's favorite movie? I know, says the sheepdog. Make sure to remember your favorites, pick the appropriate occasion, and make your friends laugh like they havent done in weeks. Dad jokes are something we're all used to hearing thanks to one certain family member and his questionable sense of humour; when he becomes a dad, the urge to drop puns and one-liners becomes as overriding as any of life's innate needs. Did you know about the hole in the walls of houses in the nudist colony? By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. 1. Woof. What happens when a dog loses its tail?It goes to a retail store to buy a new one. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. How much did those pants cost you?Cuz you can get them 100% off at my place. Not the best advice Id ever been given. Masturbation always leads to sex. What did the dog say when he went to the dog park for the second time? What do you call dogs who did up ancient artefacts? .css-iwam1f{display:block;font-family:Brandon,Brandon-fallback,Helvetica,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.5rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-iwam1f:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){.css-iwam1f{font-size:1.375rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-iwam1f{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-iwam1f{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}10 Best Outdoor Cat Houses for Adventurous Kitties, All the Food Network Stars and Their Beloved Pets, The Best Cat Harnesses and Expert Training Tips. Did you hear abut the vampire who got a pet dog? He was barking all night without any paws. After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: All 40 accounted for.. Whether theyre rolling around in the grass, doing their best to mimic your dance moves, or pretending to be a human at the dinner table, theres plenty that mans best friend can do to cheer you up and make you laugh. Which dog breed loves living in New York?A Yorkie. Funny Jokes 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch By Katee Fletcher Updated April 1, 2021 Pixabay Table of Contents No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. They have pooch-ed eggs. A family enters a hotel and the father walks up to the front desk and jokingly says, I sure hope the porn is disabled.The receptionist scowls and replies, No, you sick fuck, its just regular porn!. He's a cross breed. Scientists have found that there are two things in the air that often cause women to get pregnant.Their legs. Im so wet, please give it to me! But no matter how loud I screamed, he just wasnt going to give me the umbrella. Two fish are sitting in a tank. . Two men are talking about animals. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. One might argue that there can be nothing more delicious than a smoking hot dog. How do dog catchers get paid?By the pound. Advice and articles tailored to your pet's needs. Uncle Jack is stuck on the roof and needs help.Do you think I should go help my uncle Jack off? What kind of dog chases anything red?A Bulldog. 19. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. Ask her anything! The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. What would you call a dog from Asgard that owns a mighty hammer? What did one flea say to the other? Continue with Recommended Cookies, Check our Twitter and Facebook feeds for a joke on the hour every hour, This weeks puns and one liners take the form of Dog Jokes. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? What would you call a dog named Minton who ate two shuttlecocks? Only after a very frank relationship. You will find here over 100 jokes for him.Also, make sure to reach the bottom of the page where youll find dirty but funny pickup lines that are sure to get a guy interested in you in all sorts of ways. I used to have a dog who liked red wine. A: Rough! Q: What kind of dog keeps the best time? What does the d1ck say to the c0nd0m?Cover me, Im going in.. You know exactly what to do here - scroll just a bit further down to reveal our collection of these cute jokes. Wanna hear a joke about my pu$$y?Actually, never mind, you wont get it. Gary Delaney, The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. Well, one of them wags his tail and the other tags his whales. Gary Delaney, A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I know someone who has a dog that keeps eating garlic. Kelsey Hurwitz is the assistant editor of WomansDay.com, and covers entertainment, holidays, pets, and good news. If you want it dirty and fast. One liner tags: family, sarcastic, Thanksgiving, time 65.82 % / 97 votes. . The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything. What do you get of you cross a dog with a film studio? Who is a dog's favorite playwright? 21 Amazing/Awful Dog Jokes Dog Love By Kiki Kane Hey dog lovers! Because they are always spotted. We've got cat jokes too! Whats six inches long, two inches wide, and always gets you what you want?A hundred-dollar bill. Im sorry, but if Christmas is coming so am I. Sarah Millican, One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. 27. Is your name Tanya? I'm 6 foot 5 and weigh 260 pounds, all muscle and I am a proud redneck. What do procrastination and masturbation have in common?Theyre both a lot of fun until you remember that youre only fu*king yourself. Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. *wink wink*. The best dirty jokes come in short form, here you'll get the best dirty knock knock jokes, great short dirty jokes, dirty one liners, adult jokes, funny dirty . Q: What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? Happy eventually gets out, so she starts feeling Grumpy. Don't forget to vote for those! Anyone who was born in September can be sure that their parents started their year with a bang. Cats are smarter than dogs. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? 16 Funny Dog Jokes That Are Paws-itively Hilarious, 10 Best Outdoor Cat Houses for Adventurous Kitties. An Australian kiss the same as a French kiss, but down under. What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters? I burst in through the bedroom door saying, Can I have a new bike? He was very upset. 25 Funniest Ohio Memes [With March 23 Train Update]. 14. 17. How many hairs are in a dogs tail?None. Did we leave out a good one? When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?Im not sure, but if it begins laughing, Im going to join in. What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?All breeds can, since buildings cant jump. Are you claustrophobic?Cuz Ill be sitting on your face tonight. "Is that the dog we're supposed to beware of?" Is this a new dog?, The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. Did you hear about the guy who died because he was erect for too long? Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?Because it was a hot dog. Why are you shaking? The best way to make your wife scream during sex is to ring her up and tell her where you are. What do you call a dog with no legs? Free sex tonight! I said, Wow! Then her friend said, She means 666-3629., I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay. Our programme promises to support you through every stage of yourjourney. And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us onFacebook. Now he won't come when I call him. 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It doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. What do you call it when a lesbian c0ck blocks another lesbian?A beaver dam. Mustard because it's the best thing for a hot dog. Jurassic Bark. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. Airplane Jokes One Liners. Beware of Dog!" Theyre both hard. Check out these corn jokes that will blow your mind! What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?They get their masters. I lost my virginity under a bridge. What do you give a dog with a fever? I may earn a commission for purchases. 24. How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching? What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie? MMM, that hit the spots. Nevertheless, we can always use a good laugh! The mother, wanting to spare her little boys innocence, quickly turns around and says, Dont worry, baby, it was just a bug. Amazed, the boy replies, Wow, I cant believe it was able to get off the ground and fly with such a huge c*ck!, I went to buy a Christmas tree. The 'Bark Side Of The Dog'. ", "Im a dog trainer. Why is the puppy sitting next to the fire? What do you call a dog magician?A labracadabrador. Every time I opened the door, he made a bolt for it. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs? They somehow know how to make us laugh with their hilarious reactions and never fail to put a smile on our faces with their silly antics. One makes your whole day, but the other makes your hole weak. We stop somewhere between 68 and 70, Not all sexual experiences have to be filled with anger. What could be worse than raining cats and dogs? Nothing can beat a good laugh better than a well-placed one-liner. ", "I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Woof." Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Why do polar bears love Tupperware bowls?Because they love a tight seal. Hey, Pandas, What's One Of Your Most Significant Kitchen Fails? What do you call a frozen dog?A pupsicle. What did the annoyed dog say to another dog? Why do dogs tend to run in circles?Because its really hard to run in squares. Turn mealtime into an adventure, with Adventuros range. Then, paws what you're doing and brighten your day with these dad jokes about dogs that'll leave you barking for more! Sex! What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball? Thats the best. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-, Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated). Knock Knock!Wh's there?Dash.Dash who?No, it's called Dashchund! A man wearing nothing except a hat on his crotch is lying on the beach. A bulldog. Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic? What's it called when a cat wins a dog show? Share it in the commentsthere's always next year! When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say?Ruff! They're always up to something. I bought a box of condoms earlier today. Jimmy 03/01/2023 Puns Tags: Lifestyle Jokes Puns. I said no, Ill just turn the lights off., Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: theyre the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips. Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the cup. Gary Delaney. The Best Dog Funny Videos of 2023 Hilarious Dogs Compilation, Synopsis of Children of the Night - ProstStageProduction.com. We believe people and pets are 'Better Together'. Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. What happened when the dog went to the flea market? I said, Well, Im pretty good, but I dont think Im ready to compete just yet., You should only have sex with a famous person if you really, really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards. Sara Pascoe. Error occurred when generating embed. What do you call a bagel that has mastered yoga? I once saw a br0thel that was out of business.The sign said, Were closed, so beat it!. Manage Settings When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get? Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. Give it to me! 20. What type of dog is constantly aware of the time? I went to the zoo to watch the monkeys w***ing. A pretzel. Lap up these crazy dog jokes from our genius joke masters! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor. 37 of the Funniest Dog Jokes to Make You Howl Man's best friend is also the subject of some of the best jokes! A: You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October. And yeah, fine, you can fu*k me. One says to the other: I cant believe I blew fifty bucks in there. Why should a woman always go to an old gynecologist instead of a young one?Because the old one has shaky hands. I don't mean to sound corny, but you're so a-maize-ing 26. What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day? What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters?Pupcorn. Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?Because she was littering. We encounter wood in many forms, from natural trees to much of our household furnishings. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.". What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen? As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!. We've got cat jokes too! What's the worst part about it raining cats and dogs? What's the similarity between a dog and a tree? Lets play carpenter. I saw a dildo the other day described as nine inches long and realistic. What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA? Lie to me!. You could add another 'Woof' for the same price." What is called when a cat wins a dog show? What does a Rubiks Cube have in common with a pen*s?The longer you play with it, the harder it gets. Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?Because she outgrew her B-shells. You can call it what you want-when a large dog meditates, there won't be a reaction.. 2. When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get?Grease Lightning. Why is the puppy sitting next to the fire? How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? Woof. Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost? It still wont come when you call its name. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. Dirty Dog Jokes This joke may contain profanity. 2 in the front and we can 69 in the back. It was really fu*king in tents. A local dog gave birth at the side of the road. For that reason, we have put together the ultimate list of our favorite dirty jokes that you probably shouldnt be telling to just about anyone. A little boy caught his mom and dad making love. What do a penis and a submarine have in common?Well, theyre both long. Why didnt the dog want to play football? The cashier asked if Id like a bag. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. But it just made them more upset. "Weve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. Wanna know how I embarrassed the arrogant archaeologist?I gave him a used tampon and asked him which period it was from. First, well get hammered, and then Ill nail you. Do you like Mexican food?Cuz youre getting my taco all heated up. No, its just regular p*rn, you sick f*ck. What was the dog doing all night? How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? What did the man name his two watch dogs? Join the bark side.". I called my dog Blacksmith. And trust us, theyre not for the faint of heart. I wish you were my little toe. When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get? Why did the two-legged dog to come to an abrupt halt?