and our I cant communicate with them properly anymore and our conversations are always short and awkward. She just doesn't trust me to do anything and laughs at things I do and stops me from other things. Assalaamualaikam. Silk and Gold are Haram on Men. I haven't seen or talked to him in 7 years and me and family are better off without him. Every family is unique, but very few families are problem-free. Nov 11, 2011. That person was affecting my life so much after so many years of mistreating me, lying about me, saying bad things about me, and more. Like for instance talking about your ex, talking about politics when that's not the subject, talking about pro. Spreading gossip, 110. Parents in particular have a special station and rights over their children, and God commands children to treat parents with forbearance, forgiveness, respect and kindness. And its okay to walk away. Can Muslims Eat It? Your choices don't have to be relatable to your roommate or best friend in order to be right for you. Friends might be confused, or even tell you that you're selfish ( a sentiment that the toxic family member whom you've disconnected from has almost definitely seconded). I was wondering if what I am doing is haram? It is a display of despise to not speak to your mother. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 84976. But nothing is that black and white on this earth. So much so, that we are not allowed to completely shun a person we are upset with for more than three days if we are in regular contact with them. The hadeeth does not apply to the case in the second question either as long as their intention was not to abandon each other but they did not meet for normal reasons until more than three days had passed. Not talking to your parents may be an easy response. alot of people are claiming its okay to be friends with the opposite gender ,"Do not even go close to fornication. But it also helped me confirm that not talking to my mother was still the right decision for me. The matter is different for more extreme cases or prolonged harm, as we are not expected to place ourselves in harmful situations when dealing with others. I know that Islam has an extremely high rank for parents, especially the mother. They legitimately can't imagine anything "bad enough" to cause someone to stop speaking to a family member. You know your situation best, and you should not get close enough to get harmed again. In Bukhari it is stated; In this era, we often see people committing suicide, especially the young people are already into it. We come into this world because of our parents. Will I still be sinful in this case even though I have forgiven this brother in my heart? If it is something come and go, then it is not allowed. Quran says; Tattoos are strictly prohibited in Islam. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Deciding not to talk to your parents may feel like it is your only option. The reason this is, is partly because of the way things have occurred in my life growing up and the response/behaviour of my parents has made me feel stressed, guilty, inconfident and at times, unloved. You're the one who knows exactly how interacting with this family member hurts you. As you can imagine, trusting my memory of my mother's hurtful behavior was pretty difficult. Although your parents may have been over-protective and over-powering in your upbringing, and as difficult as it may be, try to identify where that is coming from. She is a bit racist who just can't stop with the idea of white > black. yes, as sister said above, hitting on face is not allowed. Shadow Work Is All About Stepping Into Your Power Here's How To Do It, TheseIllustrationsOn Instagram Are Making Mental Health Easier To Talk About, How To Reinvent Yourself By Using Manifestation, The 5 Zodiac Signs Who Will Leave You On Read, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. It is not haram to feel such, but it is haram to act upon it. If you really feel anxious, then write down a list of topics you feel comfortable talking about or asking, and go through them when you speak to them. The world is a tough place. I have some questions about the following hadith: "The Muslim is not allowed to abandon a Muslim brother more than three days. Hebrews explains that discipline is not pleasant, but it is necessary. Finally, we advise you, after fearing Allaah, to refrain from forsaking your fellow Muslims more than three days without a Sharee'ah-approved reason and to supplicate Allaah for your fellow Muslims to bless them with all that is good and to forgive their sins. You may feel like you are protecting yourself from them by avoidance, or maybe that you are protecting them from your anger. This passage can be interpreted to address the discipline given to children by parents. We should think about the way our parents raised us, and if they are justified in their actions. And she talks with me And my mother in a very rude way. Is this, Islamically, seen as abandoning each other even though we do not have ill feelings towards each other?2) Imagine a scenario where I and a fellow Muslim argued over some personal things and both decided that we would not talk to each other. Unless your parents are very old or in financial need, you are not obligated to serve them, see, or speak to them all the time. They did, after all, ask you to choose. If that is the case it is permissible [to not talk to them]. And they should make hallal what hallal is. A person cannot always help the way they feel about people or situations, but they must always do their best to behave and react appropriately. (Bukhari & Muslim) Assalamualaikum I was wondering what the islamic ruling is on talking to ones fiance? What if, like in the scenario above, your parents ask you to choose between continuing a relationship with them and your life choices. I can't talk directly to mom as well because I can't stand her and she doesn't take me seriously or laughs it off. If you continue to have things in your life, like a partner or a school, that they disagree with you are choosing not to continue your relationship. We'll also take a look at different Q&As . I personally gave up on them as their wickedness is increasing day after day. In The Name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful. Practicing sorcery or have a person practice it, 109. Her behavior is affecting my mental health and I am usually a super calm person but just her being around is starting to irritate me. Proverbs is not the only book that tells us we should love and honor our parents. For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. This has XYZ fault". I feel so much anger at her and am scared of worsening my mental health. I especially recall them being extremely over-protective and over-powering to the point that was unhealthy and could be seen as confidence depleting. So actually taking this step probably means that your relationship with your parent was so toxic that you felt like you had no other option. And the judgment doesn't stop with people you know. Rather, you should greet them whenever you speak and enquire how they are every now and then, and if they genuinely need things then do your best to fulfill their needs or assist them. Maybe you're an old hand at not talking (or going "no contact," as it is sometimes called). What happens when theres turmoil? Hooray! To use some extremely serious journalistic terminology right now: uh, no. #2. A person should sayBismillah Allah O Akber during the Slaughtering of the Animal, to keep it halal. She just complains all the time and almost never have anything good to say. But whos choice was this? She backbites about everyone. Because these two things are attributed to women only, and Islam prohibits Men to be like Women, and Women to be like Men. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, "It is not permissible for a person to shun his brother for more than three nights such that they meet and each one turns away from the other. After all, we cannot judge them for their methods. Am I Wrong to Not Want to Speak with My Parents. Not talking to your parents may be an easy response. Wanting to be in contact with a parent is a very natural urge, and you shouldn't blame yourself if this urge motivates you to do something that is ultimately bad for you. If you've stopped talking to a parent, it's probably a struggle every day to keep doing it. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Family dynamics are challenging. All rights reserved. I don't want to get too much into detail but she did something so awful to me that I haven't spoken to her in almost 10 years. Of course, some people will be unable to believe this. You may feel like you are protecting yourself from them by avoidance, or maybe that you are protecting them from your anger. I feed him daily and he is younger than me and unmarried. There is no harm in supplicating Allaah in favor of the forsaken person to bless him with goodness and forgiveness. And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Haram is an Arabic word which means Forbidden. E. Everyone does it differently. They gave us life. Sometimes the easiest response is to walk away. I wish you all the best and that you and your parents build a peaceful and loving relationship. Karoun Demirjian, a congressional correspondent for The Times, explains . It may not help the way you feel right now, but identifying these things may help understand your parents motives and act as a place to start and move on from. In case any one is wondering, I am currently a student and have to depend on my parents for provisions. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, It is not permissible for a person to shun his brother for more than three nights such that they meet and each one turns away from the other. Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. Hunter Biden would dial in then-Vice President Joe Biden on speakerphone into meetings with his overseas business partners, according to testimony expected before Congress from Devon Archer. Some people consider their religious beliefs when discussing their parents. The better of the two is the one who initiates the greeting." [Bukhari] 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Haniya is a business graduate from York University and an Islamic Information news correspondent. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. ", Emotionally abusive or manipulative parents often make a practice of constantly questioning their child's reality and experiences. Then, according to this hadith, we can be angry at each other for three days, and then after three days, we have to talk to each other again. And many women will not eat all day for fear of . If he (the other believer) returns his greeting, then they share the reward; but if he does not return it, then he (alone) will incur the sin. I don't want them anymore and their property too. And I feel really guilty saying something like me disliking my mother and am coming close to outright despising her. Its okay. Haram is the things which are prohibited in the Quran and the Sunnah, things Muslim cannot do. Talk with your parent's . They can be bad, and cruel, and toxic despite being your blood. It is recommended for the Muslim to supplicate Allaah in favor of his fellow Muslims in their absence. No matter what phase you're in, you've likely received a lot of pushback, both from your parent and the world at large, about your decisions. Part 3 of this article will discuss boundaries and other coping ideas in more detail. Matthew 19:19 tells us, Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself. So where does withholding love and honor, or not speaking to them, fit in? It's horrible". So reverence Allah. Cookie Notice *charisma*. Even my husband is happy by seeing us . A few days back we talked about Depression Cures taught by Ali (RA). They clarified that any romantic, intimate relationships are prohibited before marriage. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. If not then no. They are not perfect. But let's take another example. It is permissible for him to forsake the one of whom he fears that talking and keeping ties with him will undermine his religiosity or harm him in his worldly life. They have helped us become who we are and yet, they are only human. When my word conflicted with hers, she went to great efforts to proclaim that my memory was cloudy or that I was a liar to the point where today, at 33, I barely trust my own memory of where I left my keys, let alone my memories of interacting with other human beings. If three days pass and he meets him, he should greet him. This lack of self confidence is ruining my life in several different ways. and that is about it. A good therapist, in particular, is trained to understand things about human relationships and families that might be hard for other people to hear, so they can be a great place to start when building your support network. Its not always the case. You would hate it. I understand your wish of wanting to have a female companion and establish a friendship before marriage but i'd suggest doing it the halal way talk to to her through her mahrams or in the presence of her mahrams What you are going through is normal and consider it a test. Many people report that their parenting style mimics the way they grew up. Come Ramadan, though, and period-shaming is at an all-time high, with women going to extremes to hide that they are exempt from fasting. JavaScript is disabled. She's very rude with me especially. And she isn't the best of a person. You are entitled to protect yourself and your family from any genuine stress or harm from anyone, including parents, while at the same time upholding respect and kindness. Having said that, when the relationship is strained, over-whelming, oppressive, or there are other deep rooted issues that cause you anxiety and stress, the obligation upon you is to ensure you do not intentionally cut ties with them and that you do not cause them hurt. My thought process is, that by supplicating for this person, maybe Allaah will cancel out the sin because I pray for this brother. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Telling someone that the things they remember didn't happen is a tool of emotional control called "gaslighting" and a lot of people who cut off contact with their parents have been gaslighted so hard and for so long that they barely have a handle on reality sometimes. Maybe that's not it at all, and not talking to your parents may be incredibly difficult. Assalaamu alaykum. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has taught us to be very friendly with your Wife, even stated that make her your best friend! Firstly: We ask Allaah to reward you and your mother greatly and to reunite you with your relatives in a good way, and to guide them and set them straight. But remember: You're not crazy for feeling this way, and someone else is going to understand. We must love our parents, love God, and love our neighbors. Making small talk can be hard and bland, but its a small price to pray for avoiding issues while fulfilling your obligation. If not then no. The Answer Dear Brother / Sister, There are several verses in the Quran stating that it is haram to kill a person. Neither Islamically nor logically. Copyright IslamWeb 2023. They should not have asked you to choose, so it cannot be a sin to stop talking to them. @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-leader-2-0-asloaded{max-width:250px!important;max-height:250px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'beingagoodparent_com-leader-2','ezslot_7',136,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-leader-2-0'); It may be a sin to not talk to our parents, but it is not as simple as a do or dont. Before deciding how our choices impact our faith, we must consider all the variables. She backbites about everyone. Like "Ah 99% marks? You know that being around that corrupt friend influences you in a bad way. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nineyears studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a mainspecialization and focus onShafii fiqh. If they have wronged you, then you would want Allah to forgive them. This is for situations where someone is hurt by something minor. I ask her something, and she counterattacks me by asking me 4 questions in return. The majority of participants said orgasms are an essential element of .